taking 5 steps backward..to take 1 step forward..(retreat)
-My life was so messed up before…i hate everything. I lost my priorities, I dont give importance to my parents and friends, to my studies, and most of all I somehow lost God. I still love him but I can’t give my time to him. I’m so busy with other things, busy thinking how to achieve my goals, how to correct my mistakes, how to make myself happy, and with that. I felt so alone..
I really don’t have an idea on what will happen on our retreat , and in fact, I was never excited. That night before, I packed up my things, I didn’t able to finish the retreat letters, maybe I’ll give to them some other time, because I really made it worth-reading. I woke up early. I guess I was kinda excited, maybe because that was the day that god planned for me. Those 3 days that he wanted me to know him better, to reflect on my mistakes, to realize what I have to realize. That time came, we were already inside the place(SVD RETREAT HOUSE) that place was one of the best place I’ve ever been. It’s so cold in there ,the foods were good and so as our rooms. Some things I remember were of course the sharing. I really felt blessed because god gave me a family, that can always make me feel comfortable and secure. I’m so lucky to have almost everything in life, either material things or those people around that I knew loves me.
I really cried hard when I heard others sharing about their problems. I can’t imagine myself in that situation. I thought, with that activity, god wants me to know that he’s still there, that he still loves me. Then the next activity came, the lights were off. We were required to sit not beside our friends so that we could really concentrate. I did was what told. We should also cover our eyes with any scarf or anything so that we can’t see anything and imagine clearly. The brothers were so right, this activity was one of the memories that we will never forget. So true, because the line up of the things that he said were still fresh in my mind. I’m not going to tell the whole story, the bottomline is that god brought me to our home. The next part was when I’m mad because my mother didn’t clean my room. It really hit me. That were the same words I actually said before, everytime she didn’t able to clean my room. I started to cry, I saw her in my imagination how lonely she was because I’m doing that kind of attitude. The next part came. I thought of blaming myself because as brother told us, she died because she tries to
give me the extra money, I got mad again because that day, im going to a party and my mom can’t afford to give me such money needed.
In the part of seeing our own mother inside the coffin, I stopped..i never wanted to see my own mom inside that. .I hate to see that’s why I took off the cover in my eyes, and put it again afterwards. The most touching part was when brother basil, made us realize the persons around us. Even our teachers, I love my teachers. I know how hard they try just to make sure that before they leave the room, we learned something. I realized all their efforts for us. Next is our classmates, after all the years that had passed, they’re still there. Even though not all are close to me, I still love them just because I feel comfortable with them. That made me realize that I’m gonna miss them much when we graduate. Then my friends, lately I don’t feel they care for me. I don’t feel them anymore, their presence. But I realized that not all are perfect. Even me, I cant say so that im a true friend, for sometimes I forgot to listen. I’m so busy with my life, I really don’t have time for them. I thought of having them as a gift from god. My life wouldn’t be this happy without them. My gratitude for them is so strong for they taught me how to love myself more so that I could love others. And lastly, is my family. The one who brought me here, without them I’ll never experience what it is to be loved. How to feel being complete and to experience trials which could be turned into lessons. I value much my parents, even though I cant really show that to them. I study hard to give them a reward. After that, the brothers gave our retreat letters. From family and friends, I got teary-eyed again. I didn’t expect all my family members to write that kind of letters even my so called”mama”. Because when I was I child I used to have two mothers, the other one is my tita,. I’m really close to her than my real mother. She even wrote me a retreat letter. She still loves me. I cried hard because the words in there are really true. I felt what she wants me to feel.I really had a lot of reflections because of this retreat. Next thing I remember was when we prayed the rosary while walking. I learned how to pray the rosary well and we were able to see the whole place. We also went to the pink sisters. That place was really solemn. It’s so quiet, in there I wrote my intentions, I don’t know why i didn’t write a long one, I just wish something and that’s between me and god. The dramatization were also great. We all laugh hard because our classmates were really good in acting. The brothers said that its funny but its full of meaning. We can learn many things from it. I would also be thankful to our brothers and to father. Without them we wouldn’t value our lives this much. Their talks like what holiness really mean and on being infested were lectures that can really help us. The talks about the family were really touching, we can relate in that. Every words they said I kept it in my heart.. Father peter really listened when we had our confession. He even gave out advices. I felt good after confessing my sins. I really feel the need to ask for forgiveness to god because its been a long time since we did that. We had our mass, one of the most memorable mass for me. They also gave us the rosary bracelet I think as a remembrance, sister said the color that she’ll give to us is our lucky color for the day. I’ve got the purple one, that was my favorite color (haha!)
And of course who will forget our favorite action songs?..we really love that because we had fun while singing and not only that it’s also a way of praising god. The most precious things in this event was the lessons learned. We were able to know that life’s so colorful. We experienced things we didn’t expect to happen. Im also thankful for our teachers, and to sister Flor, for being with us and making us a more disciplined Icamite. I’ll cherish our moments with them because they help us show the real person inside.
Going back to what I’ve said before . I felt lost, one thing I’ll never forget in the retreat was when they talked about being incomplete. If you would only ask me, that’s the best word that can describe what im feeling right now. I asked God why with all these things beside me, even if I can get easily what I want, my pleasure for that thing afterwards vanishes. I still felt the same, an incomplete person. I asked god without knowing he’s the reason after all. Because I forgot my priorities. I forgot him. And now for me, god is our only happiness, he is the only one who could ever give us the true happiness. We can never be happy without him in our lives. We are in this world because of him. He created me as an instrument to do his mission on earth. To touch other’s lives. Because of that experience, I learned how to respect my parents, I make sure that never will I complain to them even if they did something wrong for I know that they only want the best for me. They were my priority next to god. From now on, I’ll learn how to control my moods. Make sure that I’m not hurting anyone.
And as expected all have endings, its already time for us to say goodbye, to the brothers and to father. To the retreat house where we had the best moment in our lives. Where we share those tears that fell and laughters of joy. If only I could return to that place and bring back everything but I guess its impossible to happen, so all we can do now is apply it in our lives. One more thing before I end this. Let’s just learn to trust him and live our lives according to his will. GOD LOVES US!:)
-my c.l.e project....
